Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category

Farmers’ Market

Friday, September 22nd, 2023

A big part of why I started blogging in the first place was that I realized that the internet in recent times has become, for lack of a better term, dumbed down with academic cred. I see graphics of quotes from well known intellectuals of the past and sometimes present reposted ad nauseam all the time. The implication of intellectual engagement with the least amount of effort.

The fact that this is so common—and that I often see the same platitudes posted by multiple people across the span of a few days—feels very endemic of the current state of online discourse. Radically minded thinkers putting up their hands and putting their fingers to the keyboard in an emphatic burst of passion…only to share a doom-confirming quotation from a source seen as reliable, with any additional commentary boiling down to an annoyingly exasperated sigh and “yep”. That’s not even two words.

Where do we go as a country when the best commentary we can muster on our society is someone else’s theory regurgitated verbatim with little thought regarding the content as long as it sets off nicey bells in our heads? In today’s America, we choose a side and ride it ’til we die, only activating those wonderful Critical Thinking Skills when it’s to demonize someone who even slightly leans towards the opposition. That’s not freedom of thought. That’s mental slavery. Your freedom is the price you pay to come off to your friends as “right”.

It is almost as if this glory of proving yourself “right” to the nebulous entity that is whoever may be observing you at any given time, outweighs the formation of actual solution and action that can lead to the solutions you want. It’s a damn shame that the legacy of these smart-whipped creatives who wrote the originals, if we keep sitting on our asses, is going to be “all we did in reaction was sigh”.

In our interactions with the wider world we always see ourselves as the little guy. This transcends any sort of societal status or access to privileges; everyone loves to be a victim. Because of this we embrace negativity and wallow in it. If ignorance is bliss, then abject suffering must mean we are intelligent, and intelligence equals righteousness. We conduct ourselves to these standards of being the most “right” to such a degree that we simply don’t take action. Action is normally messy. Individually crafted politics are inherently so. Getting mustard on your sweatshop-new, hackney-slogan t-shirt isn’t a good look.

This is because we have taught ourselves that humans have an apex and we ourselves, to ourselves, are that apex. It’s the mythos of the little girl getting depressed by her peaches and cream Barbie, except we are are the little girl and the doll simultaneously. We plasticize ourselves because we are faced against not just established systems of power and economics but the will of human nature itself, and not much can be done to radically alter the not so skillfully applied makeup of humankind. We are still humans underneath all the buildup, vested with the history proven capacity to make radical good and to make radical evil, though we often forget the latter attribute since we don’t like thinking about scary things and prefer reducing anyone who doesn’t agree with us to a subhuman, a fascist ball of primordial ooze. (As if we’re not collectively swimming in it.)

It’s much easier to blame everything on a redneck who lives five states away. Obviously the blame is on the big guy only as it applies to the little guy, but the other kind of little guy than you. This is unity, right? This is getting things done?

When we prune ourselves over like this for others we deny ourselves the do, because doing requires room for error and failure, and belly flopping isn’t the “right” thing to do. So we become complacent to what ails us instead. We may know the truth that the people running the asylum are the real crazies, but we’re so obsessed with proving our own manufactured sanity that we can’t let ourselves be seen as even 1/24 delirious. But you have to be a little unhinged to have the ambition to actually try. You have to let that side of yourself be seen.

But ambition isn’t a good look. It gets you looked at funny at best and gets you locked up at worst. So we call for our armchair revolutions all the while.

If we keep up this lethargy then maybe the only solution is to keep our eyes peeled to the heap of melted plastic as it slowly disintegrates into the landfill earth. To keep doing the same thing we’ve been doing. Half life after half life.

But it does not have to be this way.

Hard Living

Saturday, September 9th, 2023

Pussy Gillette are hands down one of the best recent groups in existence. And to think frontwoman Masani didn’t first pick up a bass until her thirties and all of their music videos—favorably—look like a straight rip from a thrice-copied VHS tape you would get your grubby hands on from a cool skater buddy in either 1988 or 1998. They are as real and raw as it gets, yet the video of theirs linked above, which just came out a few days ago, has just 312 views at the time of me writing this.

A message of defiant empowerment that pairs big-smile badassery with a great and much needed sense of humor, buried against the tides of internet business as usual. I don’t think people are quite ready for Pussy Gillette. They may be “recent”, but they bring with them a heady aspiration for longevity that might alienate the general public. The general public is not concerned with artists with guts, just artists with all-caps GUTS. Of course, I speak of America’s prodigal girlchild, Olivia Rodrigo, who I cannot believe I am mentioning in the same breath as Pussy Gillette. But I have to.

I voluntarily keep up with Olivia’s music as a checking tool since she’s just one year older than me yet completely the opposite of me in numerous ways. Here’s the thing: when I write songs and make music, I hope to make a—for lack of a better term—ack—safe space for young female artists who prefer not to listen to Taylor Swift. Olivia’s music intends to make a hostile space for young female artists who prefer not to listen to Taylor Swift. You see the problem here? We are not very compatible. I will give her most recent video credit for not being a genreless slice of slap-in-the-face curd pie like some of her others—c’mon, it’s kyuuuuute.

Olivia is twenty, a baby in the grand scheme of things. Not too long ago she was nineteen, my age. I can attest to the pain and suffering that comes with being a teenage girl, as well as the satisfaction that can come from squishing and pouring those swirling emotions into song (or prose). The truth is is that I am just not as social as Olivia—no wonder she uses the butterfly throughout her branding. I don’t really have songs to write about regarding Tyler from history class. I have songs to write about mass media brainwashing’s effect on the populace and that scene from The Wall where Bob Geldof is yelling at everyone (which is probably the most accurate depiction of the modern day large scale concert production, by the way). Maybe if that Tyler kid said something that really fascinated/infuriated/both of those things-me I would wring it like a towel and turn the warped, pulsating droplets into a song. But my brain is too skewered and too focused on my studies to do the whole “normal teenage girl” thing that much.

Or maybe that’s just the “commercially palatable” thing. Olivia’s GUTS are that she is smooth, like intestines in a well-oiled Cuckoo’s Nest Combine machine. Our friends Pussy Gillette, however, are rough, jagged, and edgy in a way that is all their own. And boy, do they own it. Yet they are not willy nilly—they share the same focus, awareness, and intelligence that societally powerful artists have, though PG choose cute shock value over cute exploitation of the vulnerable masses. In this I actually see a chance of engagement with a wider, captive audience—they embody defiance and self-assured-ness in a world that needs it. “Permanent Trash” is an ode to self empowerment and self pride. These traits are of great yet controversial interest and analysis to our society. Because of the internet, the self esteem of humanity sits in a perilous state in an age of simultaneous constant comparison to and instant disappointment in other people. We are forced to ask ourselves what traits we can find pride in without alienating others, springing gray hairs like poison darts as we ruminate on how we could be “better”.

Never mind that the people pitting us against each other in this manner are so comfortable in their positions of corrupt power that they never even consider these concerns. They know they are bad, and they know they have their fingers on society’s pulse. The “influencers” we worship and revile in unison, the milquetoast kings and queens of the schoolyard, guide us towards superficial quests for brownie points that only serve to obscure that they are the real enemy. In a desperate bid for commercial acceptance, humanity cries out, “what part of me is palatable?” Pussy Gillette offer the answer: the whole she-bang, baby. Live with yourself. Live.

But, of course, by the time you’re on the “G” in their name when typing it into the YouTube search bar, the suggested results snap away out of fear of Pussy Gallavanting, Pussy Galloping, Pussy Grumbling, or any sort of adorable videos of tiny felines doing cute things, therefore obstructing the culture of cat videos that has been the foundation of the internet since its earliest days.

But all of the best recent bands—PG, cumgirl8, Round Eye, as I was writing this Spotify recommended me a band called DICKFARTBUTTSEX—have eyebrow raising names. I say we usher in a new culture of degeneracy and dignity with the music we listen to. You can’t truly spill guts without a little seppuku.

P.S.: A side note from the Tumblr side of things: this new wave of porn bots is too good. “ReformedBlasphemy” should be MY username.

“Take My Word For It”

Monday, August 21st, 2023

Thank god for classes starting up again so that I can pivot my screen time away from people making me lose faith in humanity and towards PDFs of textbooks. The weather is hot and the AC in the library is pumping. Kent State once again brims with life. I tabled at our freshman orientation club fair yesterday—so many little babies, yet over half of the girls seem to be taller than me. (Thanks, genetics.) It really does make my heart swell to be back, though. I am SO pumped.

Aside from classes and Task Force and all my friends and the best burritos in the world, I’m also very excited for the return to basic principles of human interaction. I’ve been people watching a lot online lately. Too much, in fact, and I need to stop. But the emotions and the news are pertinent, and they must be processed. I’ve been seeing a lot of exchanges online lately that are basically negative recommendations. Someone says they don’t care for something for whatever streamlined reason, and someone else agrees with zero visible actual external research on the subject. Asking for recommendations nowadays always has to come with some disclaimer. Disclaimers have become a big part of internet culture in general, and it’s a real shame. Weighing positives and negatives after even just a simple article or two or accepting that a friend likes whatever seems to be a thing of the past, in the digital sphere at least, in favor of following a herd to keep those whom we perceive as our friends or want to be our friends with. Have conspiracy theorists tainted the concept of “doing one’s own research”? Or maybe COVID as a whole wrecked us—we got so used to isolating ourselves from absolutely everyone that it has become second nature to shun anything deemed hypercharged bad buzzword, or alternatively “slime”. It didn’t even take a generation.

You might as well be taking somebody’s world for it, not just their word—one must be in to-tall alignment with the politikal perspektives of their frendos, or else we might have an astrologist’s worst nightmare on a self-worth scale: the planets are out of wack! I’m an idiosyncronous, imperfect ball of flesh on the same planet as many more of the same despite their abject differences from me! Help!

My anxious psyche leads me to distrust humans in general, but I think society has gone too far in its stagnant polarization. We bitch and we fight, to quote crappy post-Roger Waters Pink Floyd (most society as it currently stands is basically “Learning To Fly” on repeat blaring very loud in my ears, I think), and most of the time it’s about how we perceive the influence and morals of actively powerful forces in the world. You can have a great, insightful, constructive conversation about that. But we resort to stereotype and self preservation. And as those gears keep on churning in the background, as they always do and always will, we get nothing done. We forget that we have more in common with one another than we think, while preaching that same concept. But how much do we truly believe the preprogrammed responses we’ve taught ourselves to repeat?

Do we really want a free exchange of ideas, or do we crave that overtone addendum, “but only if they’re the right ones”? Do we even want to be right, or do we always need some abstract, accessible boogeyman to jab at while the powers that be pulling the strings only grow stronger? Do we want to grow stronger ourselves to someday defeat them, or do we succumb to the overwhelming complexity of the world at large and retreat to where we feel safest? Do we seek change, or do we only call for it, not work towards it? We praise the sacrifice of others, but how comfortable would we be with sacrificing ourselves—in any capacity—for the same cause?

Yet when you meet people in person, even these people, they laugh. They actually have senses of humor. They invite, most of the time. And if they repel, they repel. The intention becomes obvious. The experience can be learned from. Another side comes into view, separate from the PR-primed pop star we all fashion ourselves to be, secretly. The blood and guts are there to spill. The humanity is on full display.

And that’s why a damn good conversation beats nameless, faceless, face full of constructed ideological perfection protection any day of the week, regardless of whether or not class is in session.

Paint It Black

Monday, June 5th, 2023

I’ve been thinking a bit lately about an online exchange I had…it had to be years ago at this point. It was regarding the Devo cover of “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction”, and this person who loved both the Devo and Residents covers basically said that they had “no desire” or “need” to listen to the original Stones version. Which came off as so…weirdly close minded to me. Yeah, you’re able to take music that is borderline unlistenable, that comes off as pretty “open minded.” You’re so *cool* and *sophisticated* for listening to that in your spare time. But you’re not even going to listen to *try* listening to the original version of the song and put those covers in context? You’re just going to dismiss it without considering why those groups would have covered it in the first place?

I get being turned off by “classic rock” but choosing ignorance in the name of looking *weird* and *quirky* of how we got here isn’t going to do you any favors. Pink Floyd and The Who introduced me to the concept of music as a serious art form when I was a kid. Exploring my parents’ eclectic CD collection opened me up to all sorts of different music and planted the seeds for my own independent exploration. Don’t let your exploration of all that life has to offer be defined by sticking within a carefully defined set of restrictive borders. No matter how “cool” you think you are as a result.

Ugh

Friday, May 12th, 2023

A Facebook friend reposted this. I would normally begin my commentary by trying to introduce this guy, but you can get the complete gist of him and his outlook on the world from this screencap alone. The fact that he’s Indian and not some white guy is probably the most surprising thing about him.

He says that he would make it so that people under 25 who don’t serve in the military or as first responders would have to take a “civics test” to be eligible to vote. Allegedly, younger people lack “civic experience” and therefore need to prove their dedication to society by, presumably, either memorizing biased facts that they’ll forget two hours after taking the test. Turns out that having to live through the America that other people have shaped through their votes and experiencing its ups and downs firsthand just ain’t cutting it. Even if your county banned books from the library of the high school you just graduated from or decided that your little sister can’t wear jeans to class anymore because it’s too “androgynous.” (Considering the extent of some legislation being passed today, I wish I was joking when I said that isn’t an unreasonable proposal for legislation in today’s world.)

That five year old kid down the street with a lemonade stand providing refreshments for everyone stopping by for his mom’s yard sale? Better make him pack up not just because he doesn’t have a permit, but also because you can’t just get off that easy trying to call that “civil service”, kid. Best learn the facts of life early.

With the 26th amendment to the Constitution existing, the general reaction from the professionals seems to be one of shock and disapproval, including, according to him, his staff, which is quite amusing. The peanut gallery does show some approval in the same way that some people who worked their asses off to pay off their student loans refuse to see a world where people don’t have to go through the hard work and pain that they did. America will do that to you, I guess.

If this guy really wanted to ensure that everyone who votes is on an “equal playing field”, maybe he’d call for public school systems to educate young people on how their country works and promote media literacy and transparency. But his focus is obviously not on inclusion. It is based on a systematic form of suppression against the potential that young people hold to make great societal change.

Vivek Ramaswamy would want me to say that he can’t say make such a statement, because he wrote a book called Woke, Inc., man. Critique means straight censorship to him, probably. But it’s just sad that we’re at a point in time where someone can make such a statement. It’s sad that someone can suggest that we undermine and oppress an already vulnerable group of people who did not choose their position whatsoever. It’s sad that someone can use such an egregious statement to his advantage for political notoriety points. It’s sad that such a statement can garner support from people who likely no nothing more than the selfish and unsympathetic propaganda that such a statement only amplifies.

Sacrifice your body for the government’s twisted needs, or take a stupid test. That’s what you’re worth to us. That’s the message I’m getting from this, as a young person.

Shame on a country whose political discourse has become so warped and desensitized to favor fascist thugs while the people who want an actual equal playing field are shunned and discredited as “radicals”. Nothing but shame.

.

Sunday, April 30th, 2023

One thing I have observed in the aftermath of the repeal of Roe v. Wade that I did not expect to see is that I constantly see women who choose to not have children judge women who do so. Just today my good ol’ TikTok feed supplied me a video about the phenomenon of microchimerism, where fetal stem cells can migrate to the mother’s brain. The science is fascinating and strangely beautiful, and it is a very complex phenomenon still being researched, with its assorted ups and downs. But I had to venture outside of the video’s context to learn about the intricacies of that science, because all the video and its commenters served to do was cement pregnancy as something horrific and undesirable by skewing the facts of the science at face value. The video as a microcosm pushed the message that pregnancy is subjecting yourself to some undesirable body horror, and the women abstaining from that are somehow more righteous than those who do.

Because going about life the way you see fit is obviously a constant war of comparison between who is “better” at “sticking it to the man” and being a perfect agent of self indulgence.

I think that, because abortion rights have been so under attack and undermined, these people are associating having children as something one is forced to do. If you have a kid, now it is automatically assumed that you had no control over your decision, as opposed to choosing to use birth control. Even though it is zero business of other people how a family starts or what other people choose to do with their bodies. It is a misguided form of self reassurance where we create hierarchies based on extremely personal choices and judge others accordingly, with our own choices always being at the top of the ladder. We instinctively attack and attempt to undermine what we don’t understand or what makes us feel uncomfortable due to that lack of understanding.

It is also telling that women are being criticized by other women by doing something so strongly associated with feminine gender roles.

But what’s the difference between a woman who decides to have a kid/start a family, and a woman who doesn’t want to do that in her life? Literally nothing. You have no right to judge someone on their life decisions if it is literally harming no one, and you have no right to make assumptions about someone for simply going about a process of life as they see fit. And we should fight for  the right for bodily autonomy in all of its forms, because true choice means permitting all of the options regarding starting or not starting a family. All of them.

Kidz

Wednesday, December 21st, 2022

Adults are buying toys for themselves, and it’s the biggest source of growth for the industry

Facebook shot me this article a few days ago and I’ve been thinking about it. “Kidult.”

When I crossed the threshold into glorious, glorious adulthood and shipped off to college, I was excited about my newfound independence and the ability to move past a lot of the trappings that I felt as a lowly high schooler. What this article refers to as a seemingly traditional view of adulthood—being “a very upstanding, serious member of society…intellectually, emotionally, in every other single way”—was very appealing to me. I wanted to go out and try new things and be taken seriously (not that I wasn’t taken seriously in many respects previously).

Now I go to college and there’s student organized group viewings of, like, Hocus Pocus. I have never seen Hocus Pocus and have no interest in doing so, and from what I’ve heard it’s not too great, so I’m not sure why it’s being brought up again besides nostalgia for nostalgia’s sake. And nostalgia for nostalgia’s sake is just not something I’ve ever reveled in. My parents just didn’t raise me on Disney films, and none of the TV shows I watched or toys I played with as a kid really stuck with me in a connected or personal manner. I’ve never even seen a Star Wars movie.

A wide scale shift towards multimedia franchises aimed at children is mentioned in that article, and it seems like getting ‘em while they’re young has worked in some respects. In fact, it is so entrenched in our society that the “Disney adult” is an easily recognizable archetype. We make fun of Disney adults and made fun of all that Ready Player One manchild crap a few years ago. But we also lap up whatever new wave of popular nostalgia comes our way. We look to the past for comfort, even though we would never be able to survive a day with only a flip phone or, alternatively, no phone at all. We are told that the past was great, back when we didn’t have brains developed enough to make informed decisions about what was shoved down our throats. So we use current day, dumbed down tech to recapture the times we thought were simple because we could barely think in the first place. I had a really happy childhood and learned later that my parents were dealing with the recession and (successfully) trying their hardest to keep the associated anxiety from rubbing off on me simultaneously. Ignorance is truly bliss.

Today, I go to the dollar store, where a good amount of the items are more than a dollar thanks to good ol’ inflation, and there’s licensed Barbie dolls alongside the wonky off-brand ones. Then I walk past the toy aisle when I’m running errands, and I see shiny new toy lines that emphasize copy-paste blind box “surprises” and literally theming characters after every color of the rainbow for collect-’em-all domination. I’m not quite sure if I understand it, but it’s strangely fascinating to see. It’s weird how seemingly disposable they seem, because they seem like they were produced solely to be bought and discarded. They seem algorithmically generated and kind of crappy. They still make the old ones, or at least updated versions of the old ones, most of the time. Time will tell if these new toys, tailor made for the current ADHD social media generation, have any staying power. Or maybe we’ll all just move onto another “next big thing” before we take the time to remember them.

Before my mom got married, she actually dyed her hair because she didn’t want her highlights to make every photo from her big day scream “early 2000s.” If I were to raise a kid in this day and age, I’d follow a similar philosophy: curiously observing and playing around with whatever trends life throws at us, but never forgetting the value of timelessness.

Friend to Friend in Endtime

Sunday, November 20th, 2022

I’ve been watching the current Twitter fiasco from a distance. I never really liked the platform, because the character limit forces you to sloganize everything you say and reading threads just makes you feel either sad, angry, or condescended upon depending on the content. But I’m just not quite sure what to say seeing one of the most loathsome people in the world taking hold of it and treating it like a dumb playpen for his clueless man-child whims. It’s wild, to say the least.

A lot of people have been migrating to other sites, including Tumblr. I’ve seen mixed reactions about that, but honestly, I could care less what people use to whine about things on the internet. Besides, I’ve been sort of crossing my fingers for some sort of resurgence for blogging. Even though most of what I see on Tumblr is less actual blogging and more reposting pretty pictures and political opinions that have about a fifty-fifty chance of being the worst takes ever. Yeah, I do these things to a small extent, but hey, I like hearing what people have to say! It should be encouraged more.

Much of the overall sentiment I see in regards to the Twitter refugee thing is one that stands firmly against what the internet has become, i.e. social media. If you ask me, it pretty much all comes down to the incredibly potent force that is nostalgia. When it’s brewing and piping hot, there’s no room for constructive criticism of change. There’s just rejection and angst. I use Facebook enough to say that with abject certainty. I know plenty of people who critique social media and the internet in general on the regular while being aware that they rely on it for some of their most cherished connections. Twitter was the site of the Arab Spring, and it’s also a place for humans to just be human, and humans can be pretty stupid. It’s not all black and white, and there’s plenty of shades of gray to come by. It feels ironic to blindly screed against social media fakeness when you’re using your distaste solely to gain a pedestal and be a self-important, isolated martyr for a day. I hate this attitude, and it applies to the real world even more than it does to zeros and ones on a screen. Not every act has to be crafted into some perfect, radical expression of the personal-as-political for showy soapbox adventures. Sometimes, the least in-your-face acts can make the biggest waves. And sometimes, an act can just be an act, no matter what platform it happens on. It’s what you make of it.

The internet is stupid. Humans are stupid. We shouldn’t let belligerent overgrown babies lord over us while we nibble for useless trinkets. GO OUTSIIIIIIIIIDE.

Wednesday, October 26th, 2022

All this Taylor Swift blahblahblah that I don’t care about made me think about how I haven’t been subjected to any news about what Billie Eilish or Olivia Rodrigo have been up to for, like, a year.

I’d say that’s a good thing, but they’re probably going under some dramatic image transformation for their next “era” right now and then I’ll have to hear about them again. Ah, pop music.

10/16/2022

Sunday, October 16th, 2022

I’m blogging…OUTSIDE. The weather here has been bearable, even though snow is scheduled for Tuesday. I’m sitting in this chair outside the Honors College that has “fuck you” faintly carved into one of the armrests. There’s a name also craved underneath, but it’s too hard to make out. An extremely yellow leaf just blew off the tree a few feet away from me and smacked me in the face. It’s quite a rainbow looking at all the nature around here. They don’t call it Tree City for no reason, unless they decide to make everything Esplanade flat and perfectly mowed and boring.

Taylor Hall is a glance away. I was sitting on Blanket Hill facing the old victory bell a few minutes ago, but I couldn’t concentrate on blogging just sitting on the ground. Quite a few people have been walking by looking at the unfinished memorial and the May 4 informational signs today. It’s pretty much always older people, no matter which side of Taylor you’re facing.

I think about that a lot, and the more I see how this campus functions, the more I feel that urge to enact some change. Things feel frozen in time here, and to be frank, it’s not in a good way. The weather might be okay for a cardigan, but I feel like too many people here are frozen in ice cube trays of apathy and acceptance. When people are encouraged to take action, they rarely do. On a general level, depending on the world view of whoever you’re asking, the only way to make change is to either vote for someone who doesn’t truly represent you or risk your life marching in the street and relying on buzzwords. They rarely tell you that there’s room for sneaky introverts in that process. And that sneaky, introverted work, the subversive work, the work that fits my style the most, is often the hardest.

Hell, half of the time the people who are rallying the most for change seem dismissive of the prospect of change actually occurring. There’s an exhibition of letterpress prints in Taylor right now, and some of them are truly amazing. There’s something so satisfying about a good letterpress design, with the jumbled remixed letters and strong colors. There’s just nothing better. But when I was walking through the exhibit the other day, one of the posters on display, frankly, made me angry. It was very post-Roe hopeless. All the text was about how women have the “freedom” to die of an ectopic pregnancy and be incubators and the like, topped off by the declaration, “so much freedom!” Like I’m going to let anyone tell me what I can do with my body. You make change by just not letting people do nefarious things to you. Or, alternatively, you make it by letting yourself do the things that you know are the best, even if they are unpopular. Both of these types of defiance can be very hard, especially the last one, and neither get you many political brownie points. You get those points by beginning and ending at complaining. That changes nothing. Speaking, writing, creating art and music, holding events, educating others, proving other people wrong is how you change things. You have to show that you own them when they try to own you.

With this in mind, no matter how hard it is to accomplish, I’m really hoping to skew the ratio.